What I Wish I Would Have Known About the First Trimester
When I found out I was pregnant, I soon realized that the first trimester was somewhat of a mystery to me. There’s this unwritten rule that you don’t share the news until you’re over the hump of risk; but along with that, it means that people don’t often share what they’re feeling in these first 3 months—aside from the stereotypical morning sickness.
I’ve known many women who have birthed babies and even some of my close friends from back home had become mothers, but living out of state from family and many friends had me feeling a bit in the dark. If you haven’t been privy to the inside information that comes from someone on the inside, here are a few things I wish I would have known in the first trimester.
1. It’s OK to have mixed emotions.
Since it seems to be the first question people ask—which I’m not sure how I feel about—I’ll go ahead and answer: No, I didn’t “plan” my pregnancy. However, it also wasn’t a “surprise”. If you’ve read my post on birth control, you’ll know I wasn’t on the pill or an IUD, but rather tracked my cycle by measuring my basal temperature each morning and letting an algorithm determine my fertility stage. My husband and I decided together that we were ready for this next stage of life & that we would forego the recommendations from the algorithm; we weren’t “trying” but decided to rather stop trying to prevent pregnancy.
I ended up getting pregnant at the first opportunity the timing aligned (my algorithm was apparently spot on, because this was the day it predicted I’d ovulate). I wasn’t surprised, because well, I knew it was a possibility and so much of my personal health journey has centered around reducing a toxic load that might make it difficult to conceive. But just because I wasn’t surprised doesn’t mean I wasn’t shocked that it was actually happening. When I walked out of our bathroom with a positive test in my hand, I cried. A lot. First because I was overwhelmed, then because I was in disbelief. Then again, because I was grieving the loss of a life that I had planned: Cancelled trips, now being the designated driver for upcoming Napa wine tours, having to pick a new dress for my best friend’s wedding as Matron of Honor, no more Vodka Cranberries. And then more crying, this time with excitement that something I had dreamt about my whole life was finally happening.
I thought it would be black and white: Either you were excited or if it wasn’t planned, you may be disappointed. I felt guilty for being sad when so many women would love to be in my shoes. And in reality, I was happy. It’s very confusing when a moment you’ve dreamt about for years doesn’t go the way you see in the movies.
2. Holy Fatigue.
I knew about morning sickness and anticipated days of hugging the toilet (which didn’t happen for me, praise the Lord). What I had no idea about was how freaking exhausted I would be…all. the. time. I couldn’t muster the energy to get to the gym in the morning before work. I would fall asleep at my desk. I came home and did absolutely nothing but sit on the couch and watch Gilmore Girls for 2 months straight.
I’m a Type A personality and truthfully, I have a tendency to glean self-worth from my accomplishments. I had no idea just how fatigued the first-trimester would have me feeling, and as a result I had a hard time accepting that I wasn’t just being dramatic. So here’s my 2 cents: Give yourself grace. The first trimester is not glamorous—the most glowing I had was from the reflection of the TV screen. Allow yourself to sleep, rest and binge watch that Netflix series for the time being. There will still be plenty to do when you get your energy back.
3. The unwritten rules.
When you get a positive test result, there’s a few people you tell: Your significant other, your mom, sister and best friend. But after that, there’s an unwritten rule that you must keep it a secret until you’re over the hurdle of the first trimester, in order to avoid having to share bad news if things don’t go as you hoped. Honestly, we decided to keep our close friends in the loop, telling a few more each week as we got more excited. We decided that in the case that something happened and we had to work through feelings of loss, we didn’t want to feel alone. While we obviously prayed for God’s will in those early days, we knew that if we did have to share devastating news, we would want as many friends lifting us up in prayer and supporting us as possible.
If you’re in the first trimester and debating on when to share your news, I would say go with your gut. If you would feel more comfortable waiting until you hear the heartbeat or see that little bean on the screen, then by all means keep it to yourselves. But if you can’t hold in the news, don’t be afraid to share it with whoever you want. It’s your news and you get to share with whomever you want, whenever you want.
4. Food aversions galore.
I had heard about intense cravings & sensitivities to smell, but never imagined that literally every healthy food I ate before would now repulse me. Foods I loved & had eaten all month on Whole30 now made me gag—so much that I literally couldn’t stand the thought of them.
Sweet potatoes? Out. Brussel sprouts? Eww. Ground beef? Hard pass.
It was less craving junk food like you see in movies & more just hating normal food. For about a month the only food I actually looked forward to eating was Chinese food. Not even good Chinese food—I literally went through the Jack in the Box drive-thru for egg rolls on multiple occasions, to the shock of my friends who know I hadn’t been there since high school.
I really didn’t expect the food aversions & felt so guilty that I wasn’t getting the leafy greens & nutrient dense foods that were recommended by every paper handout, baby website & pregnancy app out there. But with everything, it’s just another quirk of the first trimester that has now started to settle down as I near the end.
5. It’s overwhelming.
The minute I found out I was pregnant, I turned to some of my most trusted sources for their pieces of information & advice for prepping for baby. I wanted to get a head start researching car seats, cribs and brands of non-toxic paint. I wanted to make sure I was getting the best prenatal vitamin and learning as much as I could about those first days of baby’s life. But I soon discovered something: It was too much. While I love to research, I quickly became overwhelmed because I couldn’t act on what I was learning and it was all piling up in my brain. And then? I went into denial about the whole thing. “This nausea could really be from anything” and “I’m just tired but it’s probably nothing”. I overloaded my brain to the point that it was screaming “shut it all down!”. My husband literally had to tell me “Lauren, you haven’t had a period in 2 months—you’re pregnant”.
The biggest thing that kept me grounded during these first few months was having time relevant information to research, which I learned from “The Mama Natural Week-to-Week Guide to Pregnancy and Childbirth”. One of my good friends gifted it to me & it could not have come at a better time to help me keep from going insane. This is the crunchy mama’s alternative to the typical “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” book, with a focus on a holistic and natural approach to pregnancy and childbirth. I cannot recommend this enough as a resource, even if you’re not sold on having a natural childbirth (and that’s perfectly OK!).
6. It feels like limbo.
So you’re pregnant, but it’s kind of a secret. You’ve taken a test (OK, you’ve taken 5 tests) and it gave you a positive result. But it’s too early to go to the doctor, so you just…go on like everything’s normal? Aside from bidding adieu to your nightly glass of wine, of course. But truthfully, there’s not much to do for the first couple of weeks but continue with life as you know it + some nausea, vomiting and fatigue.
While I scheduled my appointment to see the OBGYN at 5 weeks, I had to wait until the 8 week mark to be seen for my ultrasound. (While I’m limiting the amount of ultrasounds I’ll be doing, I felt this one was important to rule out an ectopic pregnancy or other complications.) Oh and one more thing they didn’t tell me when I made this appointment that I feel would have been important to note: It’s a real possibility that this ultrasound will be vaginal—because apparently that’s a thing. Basically they stick a scope up there, but it’s really not as bad as you might work it up to be—especially once you see what’s happening on the screen!
Overall, the first trimester feels like a time where you need to jump into gear and make a ton of changes, but if you’ve been diligent to clean up your routine from the get-go, there really isn’t much to do at this point. While I hope you choose to make strides in cleaning up your routine now, I am more than happy to help you find clean alternatives to your cosmetics, personal care products or cleaning products in the event that you find out you’re pregnant & feel overwhelmed! I am an excellent secret keeper and would be happy to help you with whatever I can as you navigate the first trimester. ;)
I’m sure I’m missing something, but that’s it’s for now! I’d be so curious to hear your thoughts—whether you’ve been through this or not yet. Everyone is different, but I hope any extra tidbits of inside info helps you feel more prepared when the time comes.