Sh*t Nobody Tells You About Postpartum
Baby snuggles. Tiny little fingers and toes. Little coos and smiles. There is SO much to love about newborn babies and the first few weeks of bringing your little one home. With that being said, there is a LOT that no one tells you, too. I see no reason to keep these things hidden under a false veil of keeping up an Instagram aesthetic. So from me to you: Here is the sh*t that nobody talks about when you have a baby.
You’ll Feel Like You Were Hit by a Truck
That golden hour after baby is born is pretty magical, but eventually the time comes where you have to stand up and you feel like you’ve been in combat. Birth takes a pretty hefty toll on your body and the days after feel like you’ve been through the most extreme workout of your life. While it’s less of a waddle than when you were fully pregnant, you’ll be moving pretty slow. As hard as it is, the best thing to do is stay in bed for a few days, or at least lay low around the house.
Oh, and You’ll Still Look Pregnant
I remember looking in the mirror after I gave birth and to my surprise…I still looked pregnant. It’s a bit of a shock on the body when that baby makes their way earth-side and it needs time to adjust. Your tummy will be super squishy for a few days as it realizes baby has exited.
No, Your Butt Can’t Fall Out—It Just Feels Like it Will
I can’t really describe this one, so you’ll just have to trust me. If you’ve had a vaginal birth, walking around the next few days is a wild feeling. Just know, your butt can’t fall out.
Bleeding Puts a Damper on the Magic
Everyone is a little different, but bleeding is to be expected. The more you rest, the faster it should wrap up (being active before your body is ready could cause bleeding to pick back up). I personally bled for about 4 weeks, but by the end it was pretty minimal.
Each person has their preference for how to cope with postpartum bleeding, ranging from Depends to DIY “padsicles”. Here’s what I used:
Disposable Underwear: Frida Mom Boyshort. Wayyyy better than the mesh underwear the hospital gives you. You’ll want to wear these long after you need them because they’re so comfortable!
Peri Bottle: Frida Mom Upside Down Peri Bottle. The upside down design just makes this so much simpler than having to put your hand under yourself while you’re peeing.
Pads: Honey Pot Postpartum Pads. Any pads will do, but I liked these because they’re infused with aloe, lavender and mint, so they have a cooling feeling.
Instant Ice Pack Pads: Frida Mom 2-in-1 Ice Maxi Pads. It’s an instant ice pack and a pad in one, so you don’t have to figure out how to keep everything in line. These are bulky, so they weren’t my go-to beyond when I needed ice, but they were helpful for the first few days after giving birth.
Witch Hazel Wipe Liner: Frida Mom Perineal Liner. These are way better than a Tuck’s wipe, which the hospital gives you, because they’re long and cover the whole pad. Highly recommend!
Perineal Spray: Earth Mama Herbal Spray. Because this is gentle, made from herbs, I felt comfortable using this for the weeks following birth to promote healing.
Medicated Spray: Dermoplast Pain & Itch Spray. I typically lean towards more natural options, but this spray was great for just a few days after birth when things were really tender. This is more for numbing and healing.
Oh, That’s what a hemorrhoid is?
I had a 10 day postpartum visit where I was asked if I had hemorrhoids. I said no, but then I realized that I didn’t actually know what a hemorrhoid was and I actually did have them LOL. Hemorrhoids are swollen veins on the anus, similar to a varicose vein. However, they can be internal or external. External hemorrhoids are like a little, round growth outside the anus. Totally TMI but I found my hemorrhoids while using body wash in the shower and low key thought I was growing a new tiny butt. Sounds crazy but that’s how I even decided to Google what a hemorrhoid was! Hemorrhoids are common after vaginal birth because of the intense pushing, but they may or may not be painful. Be sure to stay hydrated and avoid constipation, because that’s when they can be angered! Using witch hazel wipes is helpful for healing them.
Bodily Fluids Don’t Phase You
Be it pee, poop, spit up or breast milk, these things will not phase you. I thought I’d be grossed out, but nope! Truthfully, it’s just not “gross” when it’s your own child. It’s not fun, but it’s not gross. I can recall a day when my son was about 3 weeks old that I had his poop on my sweatpants from a blow out, pee on my feet from a little boy incident on the changing table, along with leaking breast milk on my shirt, all while I was putting on makeup trying to get ready to leave the house for my first independent outing. LOL. Seriously, it doesn’t phase you.
Baby Blues & Postpartum Mental Health
Kacey Musgraves says it best in her song “Happy & Sad”: “Is there a word for the way that I’m feeling tonight? Happy and sad at the same time. You’ve got me smiling with tears in my eyes, I’ve never felt so high.”
The first few days after we brought our son home, I had meltdowns every evening from the hormonal drop. These were the “baby blues”, where you look at your little one and are so happy, but part of you feels so down. Maybe you feel incompetent at this new job that didn’t come with a manual, or maybe you’re mourning the loss of the life you had before baby as your realize things are changing. It may take some time, but these feelings will level out. The old normal is gone, but you will find a new rhythm, it just takes time. And that doesn’t mean you have to wait it out alone. Talk to a friend or a counselor. Take walks. Go to Starbucks. Take a sitz bath. Plan time for your significant other or a family member to come hold baby while you have a few minutes of alone time. These are so important, especially in those first few weeks!
Additionally, postpartum depression and anxiety are also common battles. I’ve struggled with my mental health in postpartum and my biggest advice is to try to get out of the house. Even if it’s just a walk around in the back yard or sitting on your deck. Keep your healthcare professional in the loop and reach out for help or “mood check-ins”. You’re not a bad mom for feeling these things!
The “Witching Hour”
This is something no one talked about. NO ONE. The “Witching Hour” is a baby’s fussy hour, typically in the evening, where a baby has just had it and fusses for no obvious reason. They can have a clean diaper, be fed, burped, clothed, all of the things, but yet they still cry and cry. It’s incredibly frustrating and can drive you to your wit’s end. I was convinced there had to be a reason and a way to remedy it—I even took a video of my son crying to show our lactation consultant, thinking this couldn’t be normal. She took one look and said, “Yep, that’s the witching hour.” So just know that it’s common for a lot of babies! Feed them, change them, burp them, rock them, bounce them, but don’t take it personally if they just need to have a good cry. I mean, relatable right?
Tip: Have a “Gripe Water” on hand before baby is home. Often times this witching hour is caused or made worse by gas!
When your baby is a Stage 5 clinger
There’s nothing like holding a newborn baby. They are so small, seem so fragile, they smell wonderfully and they tell your body to produce happy hormones. And guess what? Babies like to be held. Well really, babies need to be held. And I f course they do! After nearly 10 months in your belly, you are their home and they don’t want to be apart from you! Like, not even for a minute. Maybe it was just me, but I was a little shocked when after about a week or two of having a sleepy little newborn, our son no longer wanted to be put down. Not in the bassinet. Not in the crib. Not in his snuggle me. Not on a blanket on the floor. He protested hard. I was not mentally prepared for how much he needed to feel close to us (which is 100% biologically normal, by the way).
You may be reading this and think “just put him in xyz”—fill in the blank with some sort of motorized, humming, moving, vibrating contraption. My personal philosophy is that if baby’s instincts tell him he needs to be held as he figures out this new world he’s been thrusted into, then held he shall be. Is that always convenient? No. No matter how much I sometimes wish he would give my hands a break, I * personally * do not feel that tricking him with various artificial movement is the best response to his cues that beg for physical closesness. Look, I don’t say this to pass judgment! It’s hard having someone who depends on you 24/7 and sometimes you just need to not be stuck to the couch. I get it. This is why I am an advocate for baby wearing! My tiny boy loves being toted around in our ring sling and seeing life from my perspective, and I love feeling his little body move up and down on my chest with each breath. Final thoughts on this: As a society, maybe we should spend less time trying to “train” babies to be independent and more time training adults to have realistic expectations when it comes to caring for the biological needs of a human who is completely dependent on us.
Breastfeeding…Not as Simple as You’d Think
I would highly recommend getting in touch with an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) before you have your baby. This way, you can get things off on the right foot! Often times the hospital will have a lactation consultant stop by before you’re discharged, but it’s usually just a few minutes and not super helpful. We had a lactation appointment on day 4 of having our baby, which was the day before my milk came in, and that was perfect to address positioning and latch issues before they had time to cause problems. Joining a local La Leche League group is another way to find support for breastfeeding if you find yourself needing community.
Sore, cracked or bleeding nipples are a sign that your little one could have trouble latching! This is another reason to meet with an IBCLC sooner, rather than later.
Plugged Ducts and Mastitis
Plugged ducts are common, but if not taken care of they can lead to mastitis—a breast infection characterized by fever and flu-like symptoms, redness on the breast and extreme pain when nursing. I personally had a terrible case of mastitis that ended up leading to an abscess that had to be drained, along with a week hospital stay. I was not aware that these things could happen and I wish someone would have told me in order to feel more prepared! To prevent plugged ducts, I now take sunflower lecithin every day and make sure to “milk” my boob while nursing, to avoid milk getting stagnant and clogging up the duct. I also make a point to wash my hands often, in order to prevent bacteria from coming into contact with my nipple during feeds, which can lead to mastitis.
If you do find yourself with a plugged duct, two little tricks that have helped me: 1) Fill a Haakaa with warm water and epsom salt, so it submerges the nipple, and suction it on your breast. 2) Castor Oil Pack. Get a washcloth damp with warm water, drizzle a bit of castor oil on it and then heat it in the microwave until it is warm (not hot), then use cling wrap to wrap the washcloth on your breast. Keep on for 20 minutes then nurse or pump.
Everyone wants to hold the baby, but who will hold the mother?
Bringing home a little one is exciting, but it’s also a huge adjustment—one that is often overlooked in the midst of excitement. It’s sometimes fun to have friends and family over to meet your new addition, but other times it’s exhausting.
Having people willing to support you during this transition is such a blessing, but it’s also normal for it to leave you feeling a little dazed. Responding to the question “How can I help?” is overwhelming as a new mother, no matter how genuine of a place it comes from! How do they want to help? Are they offering to bring lunch or coffee? Are they offering to fold laundry or mop the floor? Are they offering to hold baby for me to shower or nap? Or do they just want the OK to come take the baby while I’m supposed to entertain them? What does “help” mean to them and will they feel like I’m taking advantage of them if I give a bigger task than they intended? Analysis paralysis often tells a new mom that it’s easier to just refuse help than play mental gymnastics trying not to inconvenience someone. If I had it to do over again, I would put together a list of simple chores or tasks to get done that I could send someone and let them choose which one they would like to offer help with!
As you recover from labor and begin bonding with your baby, your home becomes a sacred space—think of a mother bear and a cub in her den. Friend, it’s OK to not want people in your den. You’re not being selfish or standoff-ish, you’re setting boundaries. Listen here: No one is entitled to enter your home. Period. And if you choose to allow someone in your sacred space, they are not entitled to take baby out of your arms simply because they brought you a meal, folded your laundry or took your dog for a walk. Don’t be afraid to keep your den sacred, Mama Bear.
When it came to birthing my baby, I was prepared. I read books, listened to podcasts, did meditation, listened to affirmations and a researched everything that came to mind. But for postpartum? I was shocked to find out how many things I didn’t know. And really shocked that no one was sharing these things! What a disservice to women everywhere who have yet to walk these roads.
I hope you feel a little more in the loop after reading these things, friend! The good, bad and ugly—you can count on me to share it! Have a question about something specific or want more info on other pregnancy, labor or postpartum topics? Send me a DM on Instagram!